Because You Love Me
by Reno Keehl
Summary: First person from Mello's point of view. Mello recalls the night before Matt's death and analyzes his actions: “I love you too, Matt.” I replied, watching him go. “No, Mello. No, you don’t…” He answered with a faint smile.


The night before Matt died, we were discussing the plans for tomorrow. At first he did not want to comply with me and found my plans to be madness, but eventually he gave in. I wish he never did. I will never forget our conversation that night…

We were taking a stroll downtown when he turned to me and asked why I wanted to beat Near so badly. I could not answer him, for the truth is I myself no longer know why. I just knew that I had to, even if it is the last thing I do. Without giving a proper answer, I stopped where I stood and waited for him to catch up. As he did, I pushed him up against the wall of the boutique next to us and asked him in return, "Why do you keep tagging along, Matt?"

He adjusted his goggles and smiled. "It's because I love you, Mello."

I glared at him in irritation before I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. It was then that I told him of the master scheme that got him killed. My plan to kidnap Takada and reveal Kira's true identity seem so brilliant at the time, I never stopped to think about what would happen if it should fail. I never thought that it would fail.

Matt was uneasy at first about the whole idea. In fact, he tried to talk me out of it, but when he saw that it was futile, he gave up and gave in. I wish he never did.

"Alright, Mello," he started, his hands on my waist. "Are you sure that is what you want to do? What are you to gain from all of this?" He questioned.

"I have to defeat Kira. I have to defeat Near. I know I am better than him!" I told Matt, my hands quivering behind his neck. "You don't understand! You never tried… You were always okay with not becoming L's successor. Look at me, Matt! I've staked everything I had for this! The scar of my face proves it! It is only destiny that I must beat Near!"

Matt grew quiet and broke away from me. Reaching into his right pocket, he produced a pack of cigarettes and a silver Zippo. He calmly lit it, took a drag and then smiled. "So you are willing to stake everything to beat Near then, am I correct?" He asked me. Watching me lower my gaze, he took another drag and when he got no answer from me, he said, "I see," and stomped out his cigarette. He advanced towards me again, wrapping his arms around my waist. He drew me closely to his body and did not say anything for a few moments.

Not expecting him to do so, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but I lace my fingers together behind his neck and looked up at him. "What's wrong?" I asked him, starting to become aware that he was not quite himself tonight.

Matt shook his head and laid his forehead against mine. "Leave it up to me, okay, Mello? I will get this job done right… I am really not just a screw up, I promise."

"What?" I asked him, "Who ever called you a screw up?" I do not know why, but I wanted to cry a little when I heard him say that with such a calm voice. I laid my head on his shoulder and held onto his back. "You and I… we're not screw ups… We are perfect. We're better than… We're better than L." I muttered.

"Better than L, huh?" Matt snickered a little. "Alright Mello… I understand completely now. I… really have enjoyed being your partner, whether you appreciated me or not. It was…fun." He said pulling me away from his shoulder.

We gazed at each other for a few minutes without exchanging words then he leaned down and I let him kiss me. I could not really see his eyes in the dark underneath his goggles, but I could tell that he was crying because I felt his warm tears against my face. After our last kiss, he pulled away. "I love you, Mello." He said, beginning to leave on his own.

"I love you too, Matt." I replied, watching him go.

"No, Mello. No, you don't…" He answered with a faint smile.

Now as I am sitting here, all that he said made sense now… But it won't be long before I join him… where ever he is now… I am coming for you, Matt. I did stake everything I had to beat Near, and I lost. Forgive me.


End file.
